I use to find myself often searching online for "how to be the best aunt" and "how to be the best grandmother"
So I would type, “I don’t know how to be a good aunt” and "I don’t know how to be a good grandmother" to see what answers might come up. There was something in my search that set right with me, made me realize why I was searching and I kept thinking of what I was actually feeling to make me turn to an online search to even try and get an answer.
How many of you aunts/grammy's have ever felt this way? I feel like I go way beyond as a grammy and I believe my grandsons are happy with me. But as an aunt I guess I suck because my niece's and nephews hate me. I tried I really did but there just wasn't/isn't a connection there.
There’s always been a lot of distance between where I live and where they live, [niece's/nephews] and so I didn't get to see them regularly as they grew up, or get to see them in most of their favorite activities. But I've done the best I could to build on relationships with them when I was near them and make sure they always know that even though I’m not perfect, I still love them with all of my heart. What am I doing wrong though??
When Katie was on the way they lived in NY and I lived in Texas. I missed my family and didn't see them much and then all of a sudden this baby was on the way, and I knew with certainty that I wanted to be a good aunt. Even though I had no idea how to go about becoming a good aunt.
Several ladies that I spoken with have a similar feeling of not being able to be a good aunt, this “less than” feeling that made them feel like they were not a good aunt I was feeling it too. In some cases, there are strained family relationships that take nieces and nephews out of reach of aunts who would love to be more involved with them. Sometimes the separation happens because of the demands of an aunt’s career or distance. Sometimes there’s no tangible reason to pinpoint why the aunt/niece/nephew relationship never really takes off. This is true not only with biological relationships but also with the children of a good aunt’s closest friends. At least that's what I have been told, ugh!
I've learned that being a good aunt is about intention (actively cultivating the relationship in whatever way works) and attention (spending time letting the children know they’re important to you). I have done that in many different ways. As they were growing up I have always told them "I love you" and gave them big HUGS. Beyond that, there’s no magic recipe. There’s no search engine that can guarantee you’ll be a good aunt. But what if you are trying so hard and they still hate you?
There are as many different ways to be a good aunt as there are different aunts and different nieces and nephews. I've been told by an expert in the field that it may take a lot of trial and error to figure out what works best with the children in my life. That I may even discover that what works perfectly with one child doesn't work at all with another. Also that If I'm really struggling, she encourages me to enlist the help of the children’s parents, to help me figure this out. She also says the most important part of a relationship is that it must go both ways. The children will grow up and they must also try to have a good relationship with me. Well mine DO NOT and they are grown. The nephews have come around some in the last two years living closer to me. I've learned a lot from them and that has helped me. But the niece's NOPE!
I have given up I think, just accepting the "NO CONNECTION" part of it. I let it break my heart way too much and its time to let go ... Have any advice to share about what makes a good aunt? I’d love to hear it...
Proverbs 11:29 ESV
Whoever troubles his own household will inherit the wind, and the fool will be servant to the wise
1 Peter:2 1-3 ESV
So then, stop doing anything to hurt others. Don’t lie anymore, and stop trying to fool people. Don’t be jealous or say bad things about others. Like newborn babies hungry for milk, you should want the pure teaching that feeds your spirit. With it you can grow up and be saved. You have already tasted the goodness of the Lord.
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